Iman called you late evening today
"Uda, you have to do something with Yam."
"Kenapa, Man?"
"Dia tak bagi Ummi duit doe bulan-bulan sebenarnya. Sekali tu ja. And Ummi paid for her phone bills sebab Yam bagitau Ummi dia tak cukup duit nak bayar."
"What?? Kau gaji 4000 apanya yang tak boleh bayar phone bill? And apa masalah dia tak bagi Ummi duit bulan-bulan, ya rabbi..."
"Dia kejar nak saving kot."
"Saving pala dia kalau makan lunch pon 21 hinggit sehari. Fuck, I'm like in need of money, even that I still gave Ummi 200 when I got only 750 last month. Even the month before that. And how I fucking wish I could give her more."
"Awak bagi Abah tak?"
"Bagi. He almost cried. He said he won't take it."
"Why?"
"Coz dia sendiri berkira dengan kita, but we don't. I don't know."
"I try to remember all the good things about Abah today, just to love him more. And I feel sad, coz he is actually a good person."
"Awak rasa kenapa before-before this Uda ada special tag for Abah in my blog post and only write good stuff about him? Coz I fucking wanna deal with my depression on him. I wanna remember loving him."
*
Ni antara sebab kau benci tak grad-grad sebab kau tahu you could do so much more for the family if you are stable.
Tapi, cara nak tolong Ummi ialah dengan kita tolong diri kita dulu. At least tak jadi beban kepada Ummi. Abah has been pressuring you way too much, especially on my circumstances. That's also why I need to go.
Hang in there, Ummi.
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