Ummi thinks I was being too picky,
Dah ada yang berkenan kat hang, tinggai nak mai minang ja,
Hang takmau.
Pasaipa?

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He's character might not suit.

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Takpa, tu slowly boleh develope...

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That's the core problem, dear Ummi.

I do not wanna walk in a relationship expecting the other person to change. For better or worse. In fact, I marry someone for the sake of him being himself. If I can accept him as the way he is, that's enough already. Why change someone for your own benefit? That's selfish.

It is not my job to take care of him, to teach him what to believe, to show him how to think. It goes both ways, vice versa. It is unfair for me and for him.

The problem of you and Abah was that when you were both married, you both had the idea that

"oh... I taught her enough already, she understands the life now. She understands God. I shall tell het how to dress up like a proper woman, think like a true servant of God."

"He will change for the better. When he has child, he will be more responsible. He still has good character in him."

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Many partners in relationship try to change theirselves so as to suit to their counter partners. The force themselves to believe in what their partners believe. Truth is, they don't know. They haven't found themselves yet. But they are much more afraid to loose their partner.

So they live a beautiful lie. Until one day, when they can't lie to themselves no more, they freak out. There comes in the trust issue. Jealousy kicks in.

Thing is, when you are being pretencious, you can never raise a loving family. Because children, they are pure. They can sense fakeness. Even if it comes from their own parents. And that, effect their mental well being.

You guys might at last at par to each other but that'll take what...30 years. If you wanna waste your 30 years figuring out your marriage, be my guest.
I know I don't wanna waste 30 years fighting, pendam rasa with my counter partner.

I wanna be his best friend. To achieve wonders with him. I wanna solve real external problem and challanges with him. Not some shitty internal relationship problem. That's not my fight.

So kalau hang rasa nak kahwin semata sebab hang berjaya membentuk pemikiran, attitude, etc boyfriend/girlfriend ikut acuan hang, better hang pikiaq balik, is it fair for him/her?

Sampai bila hang nak payung orang? Time hang koyak barai nanti, you will be needing someone like you to lift you up again. In other words, your other half.

Tanya balik sejujurnya, do you feel complete being with him/her?

(coming from a 1st hand experience child)

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That was why, I said no, dear Ummi.