AR #37 - FISH

00:30 masih dengan 3D

Stromae - Alor Danse

how true is his portrayal of mainstream life

AR #36 - CRASH

dr ptg td dok buat pintu partition cabinet masjid ni, segala material, lighting, dah nak siap dah... elok start maghreb dia crash.... save pun x  blh retrieve..

buat balik half way

crash

buat balik

crash

buat balik

crash

disusuli msg bertalu-talu dr QS AS2 minta explain drawings...

buat balik

crash

.

nampak mcm sng... tp bila budak noob buat effort dia 2 kali ganda hoi... haaa nangis la camni...

jom lah bersabar

AR #35 - BARAI

You know you barai teruk when you celik mata dah pukul 3.30ptg and you thought you already too late for work.

Ahad, mek.

Ada lagi dua partition nak kena settle...

I just don't know how Amir can be so penyabar, dengan sakit lagi. My respect goes to you.

AN #17 - QULUB

Pagi semalam nangis dek runsing
Malam semalam nangis dek tenang

يَا مُقَلِّبَ الْقُلُوبِ ثَبِّتْ قَلْبِى عَلَى دِينِكَ

JUMAAT

A sober friday morning... Pagi-pagi pun dah nangis... parah ni...

1st day period kot. Luckily we girls have period and hormones to blame.

PAIN

till then, marilah kita sort out life goal kita ni, ya Rabbi... pecah pala pikiaq hala tuju hidup.

*kesat ayaq mata, sambung driving*

this world is full of pain, I tell you.

A PRAYER

Therefore,

Dear God,

I beg you, like I beg you everyday, send me him, the one who will support me and I will support him. The one who can help me and I can help him. The one who understands me and I understand him. The one who will bring me closer to You and I will be bring him closer to You.

This is the same exact prayer I utter when I asked for a 'Kristina. ', now I ask again, I beg again, but for a soulmate.

I'm in a crucial point in my life, dear God. Where things need to be sorted out and will be sorted out soon enough. So the only card exists is the 'EITHER-OR' card.

MASHI?

Dear God,

Today I cried for three reason

1. Because penat kat tempat kerja and tahu condition dekat rumah macam mana. I just can't juggle anymore.

2. Scared of my upcoming final year and still sangat lembap buat CAD and 3D.

3. To know the answer to my everyday-sebulan prayer was a NO all along. Bukan dia rupanya.

Why again God? I'm not sure what kind of lesson you are trying to teach me this time, but bersangka baik to Your devine plan is really challenging, I tell You. But I will keep on praying. Coz I have nothing but You to hold on to.

AN #13 - KHALAS

didn't realize how much i really liked you until you mentioned your girlfriend.

damn. aku suka kau betul rupanya.

so, khalas dah. boleh tutup buku dan report ke kristina...

*

kalau buat kisah chenta hidup si huda ni best seller 7 keturunan, sebab sampai keturunan ke-7 pun orang tak boleh-boleh nak brain lagi tahap looser dia.

AN #12 - HOW NOW ?

Noch nie habe ich so getan,
dass ich jeden Tag bete,
damit alles zwischen uns erleichtern wird,
dass es klar ist,
was zwischen uns steht.

Weil ich es langsam merke,
wie ähnlich wir beide sind.

AN #11 - MUTUAL ?

Lustig,

wie wohl ich mich fühle, wenn ich bei dir bin.
als wäre, alles ist gekümmert.

May Allah ease. Amen

JUDE DEVIR

"One of those days"

(Yehuda Devir and Maya Devir)

*

Nak illustrations book tu, please 😭

AR - TIDOOO

Boleh tak esok OT nak salin kain batik terus?

*

Tak, tak mau. Tak mau OT.

AMEEN

Welcome back as the son of the family, Huda. You did well tonight :)

beiß weiter durch. das schaffst du schon.

SENYUM SELALU

"Menangislah dan terus tertawa,
walau dunya tak seindah surga."

(Nidji, Laskar Pelangi)

*

God bless the indonesians, its language and culture.

HABIH META

Hudaaa

Kau boleh, Huda.

You used to be able to lanyak MATURA, even Austrians pun fail kot Matura. You used to be able to pass Latin in 2 years. You used to be able to pi skolah pagi macam biasa and malam for extra german class, so you could catch up with the Austrians.

You used to be a basketball player and fought in many tournaments at 12. You used to be able cari apartment all by yourself and did all the admin works in german. You used to do all the banking works in german.

You were able to convince MARA to extend your loan when you changed from engineering to architecture when clearly it langgar kontrak. You translated 37 pages of german university syllabus to english.

You lived alone for 6 years in Austria with no Malaysian bachelor students of your age. You made friends with the other foreigners. You used to tahan being laughed and mocked at. You were able to change the perception of one super racist proffessor to at last liking and cheering up for you when you passed the german C1 certificate.

You used to be able to make good photos and interesting shots.

You used to be admired by the gangsters of your school for God knows whatever reason.

You used to babysit at night and attend classes in the morning.

You helped Kristina with the Takao-crisis that broke in the United Nation and almost made her kill herself.

*

dan ya, kau gagal banyak gila babi. Failure after failure yang sumpah tak boleh brain.

But your family can't afford you to be a lunatic, ok?

Stop being selfish, Huda. Help yourself out so you can help others.

Abah #17 - WHEELCHAIR

Today is the 1st time for us to experience Abah arriving KLIA on a wheelchair all shivered. Abah no longer fit for travelling.

Drove Abah to hospital for his dialysis and noticed his breathing difficulty.

The fact that, Ummi and Abah need all help they could get from their children and you are still stuck trying to figure out your life, is absurd.

Tunggu sikit lagi, please. Your first child will graduate soon enough and start having a good job and be financially independant and be able to help you out like a proper adult would.

And maybe, just maybe you'll feel quite a relief, sorang lagi anak dah settle.

*

*telan pain killer and coffax*

DRIVEN

Yuna ni dia betul-betul work her ass off. And kick asses some more.

YAM AND CONDOM

Once Yam got free condom at school that she thought was a balloon.

Lalu budak innocent itu bukak packaging dalam kelas dengan nawaitu suci nak tiup belon tersebut.

Honey, performing "blowjob" aint public you know. 😂

PIERCING

That very strong urge to pierce your nose and ears.

Impian hidup umoq 18 dulu masih tak tercapai. Kesian...

BOSYA

Bosya is the guardian of the house. He fights real hard. All scratches and all on face and body. He fought all the other jantan (cats) who tried to mark their territory and widen their empire. Gitu.

Bosya is tough and muscular. Tapi bila hang balik rumah, dia terus cayaq jadi baby dok minta hang main-main perut dia. Bosya has always been your ultimate cat-boyfriend (boleh?)

Until today, when you saw him, in front of you, tanpa malu trying to fuck Olaf. Basically, you saw your boyfriend fuck someone lah.

And you thought, demyu life.

Abah #16 - KORBAN

"Iman habis medik ni, Iman nak donate kidney dekat Abah."

"Uda tak terfikir pun nak donate kidney Uda kat Abah, Man. Maybe I too should start considering that."

"Yeah, man. What have we ever done/sacrifice for Abah's long term health pun? Moral support and being there for each operarion is nothing. That's not sacrifice, tu kewajipan."

*

Abah was not the greatest husband. He failed many times. Being the 1st child, you witnessed everything. You questioned his logic. You even wish they (Ummi and Abah) would seperate.

But Abah was the loveliest father. He was the best Abah we could ever ask for. He spoiled his girls with love. He was our first boyfriend.

They say, you'll never forget your first love. It is true in our case. And it is unconditional.

YAM

You got into a fight with Yam yesterday. You were tired of how she prioritise her social friends and boyfriend more than the family. With Abah sakit and all.

And then she pointed out your flaws.

And you went speechless.

"Don't assume the world evolves around you only, Huda."

As much as you hating it, there are some truth in what she said.

TUDUNG

Tying out clothes alone and swearing to God we 3 sisters look so much better and way cantek without scarves.

This is for you, God. Our physical menifestion of submitting to You. am sooo not going through this hassle of scarves if it weren't for You. Ain't no men gonna change that.

WELCOME TO UNIQLO

Dear Huda,

a big Yeay! dah fit Uniqlo's in-store size!!

Fuck you, Depression. I'm sooo getting my pre-depression body figure back 💪

Pelan-pelan kayuh. Grad nanti kita kebarung songket ye. Kelas mak. *flip hair... hair la sebab dalam fitting room*

WWK #51 - FALSE PREGGY

"I vomited yesterday at night on the street."

"Really... Oh my God the people must be staring at you. What did you do then?"

"I rubbed my belly afterwards. So people thought I'm pregnant."

"Good one."

*

Good thing about being women is that we can always play dumb dummy dumbo OR pregnant.

Always worked.

WWK #50 - FINANCE

There was one time when Kristina owe the bank €3500 (ca. RM 17 500) and I way minus in my bank account, duit tak masuk sebab change course.

We both ate lunch at a jewish restaurant. We were laughing at first. And then slowly the reality kicked in, and we started to cry. Like two broken couple.

Good thing we're women though. We could always pretend it was the hormones.

HOME

A few months before leaving Vienna for Malaysia for good, you signed up as a volunteer at the Samariterbund Refugee Camp. The refugee crisis in europe was pretty bad at that time.

Leaving the camp, you thought to yourself of how fortunate you are to be belonged to a nation, to have a country you call home.

It was like, no matter how bad Austria was, you could always go back. They, on the other hand, can never go back. And Austrian hates them.

wish

I wanna help the special kids. Those blessed with autism, downsyndrome and many more.

I want to understand them and their enormous cool world, and hug them and say "You're beautiful."

I want to cry with them and laugh with them. And pray with them.

HEADS UP

The worst thing about depression is that you feel like you deserve nothing good of the world.

You don't deserve family and friends. You want to keep you by yourself because you feel that you suck.

And you don't made up that feeling. You believe by it.

And it is right then, when you are attacked by this depression where your family and real friends are the most important to you. They will remind you of how strong you are, of how great your personality and goals are. Of how driven you are and kind and caring you are of others, out side of depression.

*

But today, no one's home. And your friends.. well, one is half way across the globe. Others here, have their own husband and children to handle, or boyfriends and fiance to commit to.

So, you write blog, you keep your heads up, to scroll down and remind your ownself, you had terrible depression many times before and you survived.

And you did accomplished many cool stuff as well.

Because God let you.

:)

*

Dear God, I miss you. Badly. I'd like to hug you one day... night... or whatever time reference you call there in heaven, I dont know.

AR #33 - HELP DIRI

Since Mr. Depression tiba-tiba nak datang ni, and everyone is away and rumah is kosong, let us treat ourselves for a very late movie night.

Let's wear Pyjama to GSC :)

Fight that crap, Huda. Wipe that tears, you did well already. You've come a long way.

AR #32 - HELP

Depression ni makhluk jahat.

Dia nak mai attack dia kisah apa. Takda hint apa, tau-tau dah nangis.

Bad creature, bad!

OLAF 3

God put you under rough circumstance for a reason. And often times you just can't figure out the reason. Till then, bersangka baik dengan Tuhan.

OLAF 2

Ozie was the manja aggresive active ones. Olaf, on the other hand, was the opposite. Tak bagi pegang even when she became adult. But deep inside, you know she wanted to be pet, but she was just too scared. Ozie was the closest to her. Ozie took care of her.

Then one day, Ozie died.

And now, everyday Olaf would wait at your parking space and greeted you back from work/studio. She would wait you get out of the car. She'd wait for you to pick her up in your arms and kiss her.

Now, Olaf jaga rumah, and jadi babysitter to the new kittens ntah mai mana-mana.

OLAF 1

Olaf and Ozie were two super cute kittens of Miho. They were very nakal.

So nakal that, once you had to dismantle a broken treadmill, like literally dismantel bukak skru kepak compartment semua turn it upside down ALONE, because Ozie buat adventure dalam treadmill and got his head stuck in one of them gears.

Aku tak paham betul la sistem Ozie ni berfikir main punya pasal.

AR #31 - DOCUMENTATION

Profession Architectural Journalism ni mesti wujud.

Semestinya.

Mesti.

Kalau tak, Huda tak wujud.

Gitu.

AR #31 - HALF WAY

"Aku rasa aku akan sebak nak nangis last day nanti."

"Haaaa kann..."

"Tak, bukan sebab A+I, tapi sebab tak sanggup nak masuk studio balik wei."

"Babi laaaa kau ni. Ada jugak orang macamni."

*

Setahun lagi... That very long degree road.

AR #30 - AINUR

Ainur ni macam Kristina, an answered prayer...

*

"Kau kena faham, nor. Kau ni doa aku."
"So tak lost contact la ni."
"Tak. InSyaAllah."

Rant #19 - PENDRIVE

"Kak Biha, Huda balik awal harini boleh drop by rumah akak pass pendrive tu."

"Okay, Huda. Come."

*

Elok masuk rumah Kak Biha terus dia menangis. A 33 year old lecturer pouring her heart out to you, complaining her problems. Steady kau tenangkan dia. Good thing you bought ayam goreng to cheer her up. (Padahal bekal nak makan dinner lol)

*

I believe souls know no age. You are tabah, Kak Biha. You always have.

AN #9 - DIFFERENT SIDE

The first impression when I see you was, I felt tenang. And then I thought you were disrespectful. And then 1 minute you were different and kind. And then you bailed on me with no apology. And then, you stayed back and I thought I see my 1st impression again. So, I'm not sure what to expect. Quite scared and cautious.

When women get confused, they get confused real bad, I tell you.

Watawakkaltu 3alallah.

JAWAHER

Kami semua senasib denganmu,
wahai kembara di tanah gersang,
mencari kebahgiaan dalam hidup,
menempuh berbagai rintangan yang ada,
namun bahgia masih impian.

*

You used to cry listening to this in Vienna.
"Kami semua senasib denganmu"... you're not alone.

"Namun bahgi masih impian" - Lelah memeta capaian, tak bermakna lelah memeta harapan.

We all, at some point, live by hope :)

*

Tapi sampai sekarang tak jumpa jodoh, dok jumpa jerks ja ada rasa nak givap hope jugak la. 😪

AR #31 - DILEMMA

"Wei, kau kata kau nak tukar kan after grad?"

"Haah."

"Tapi frankly speaking, aku boleh nampak kau further in Architecture. Even successfully. Serious ni."

*

Alaaaaa Ciknon ni....

AR #29 - RECHARGE

Scrolled through your blogpost and realised of how emo and penat you are. Habis semua post marah ja hah.

Missing those deep contemplation days, of poems and puisi, of movies and books, of nature and nurture.

*

"Huda, gaji masuk kita Cameron, jom?"
"Ya Allah, jom sangat, wei."

ANT MAN

Dah 2 minggu keluar tak pi pi tengok woiii... Life mana, life...

Dah, weekend ni tak kira, nak bersemut jugak!

*

On further note: 6 minggu lagi... percepatkanlah, ya Robbi. Banyak faktor yang memualkan dah ni.

Vienna # - VISA

Once you were denied student visa by the crappy austrian immigration office, you were visa-less for 6 fucking months and tired of calling and ulang-alik the immigration office explaining your situation, not to mention doing all these in german.

Tak campur dengan kerja studio macam nak gila plus the discrimination that you got from the Uni just for being muslim.

Then one day, you got a letter from the office asking you to hire some shitty lawyer to defend your case. Time tu duit MARA tak masuk dekat 3bulan and you were minus in your account. Literally minus. Hang hutang bank, bangang.

You were so furious geram dan dah tak larat, went to the office, look at the officer straight in the eye sampai nak tembus cornea dia. And sembur dia in the most getap gigi way of how absurd and stupid the system was. Good thing bahasa jerman ni kasar.

And the next day, you got temporary 3months visa, and the month after dapat terus 1 year.

TAK LARAT

So many times you're just left speechless when about to utter your prayer that the only word came out projecting from your mouth was, 'Why?' followed by the crystal water streaming from your eyes.

INSCHA ALLAH

Eines Tages wirst du es verstehen, warum es so geschrieben ist.

Dann wirst du dankbar sein, du wirst weinen. Aber diesmal, mit deinen Liebsten bei dir.

INCEPTION

The film Inception has it's base on a dream inside a dream of a dream of a dream. A person would only be awaken from his dream when something abnormal from his dream world came in, e. g. the sound of a classical music being played on a top of a mountain. The purpose of venturing someone's dream is to implant an external, foreign idea on someone's brain making him believing that it was his idea altogether. A form of manipulation.

We, at a certain point in life, living through a multitude of layers of dreams, external forces tried to implant their ideas, their definitions in our head, so it seems that it came from, so we make no objection. And the only way to wake us up is by a gradual smack in the face from every layer of dreams we escaped from.

AN #8 - SISTERS UNITED

Iman: Tak doooo...
Yam: Tak weih... serius tak.

*

Ooooon a bright side,

there was a time when it took you 2 years to identify a jerk, and another one 1 year and the other one 3 months,

this time around, 3 weeks only.

next time, 3 seconds maybe. So, you will not waste your time, emotion, money and most importantly, prayers.

*tepuk bahu sendiri* :)

AN #7 - TYPICAL

bapak ah aku tunggu kau 2jam, kau boleh salahkan aku.

da la tak minta maaf. attitude dia....

turn off siak.

why this type of guys again and again?

.

Ni nak kena mandi tujuh telaga kauthar baru tak dapat trottel ke cemana ni?

Matila naaak....

WWK #49 - MISS

Once Kristina and I fought over apartment and money. It was a super huge fight. Gaduh dengan orang rusia, kau rasa? And I thought, we won't ever be friends anymore.

And then, one day, she showed up in front of my door with a bouquet of flowers while tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Will you forgive me?"

Hah dengan kau-kau nangis, nok. Rindu kau, Kristina. rindu sangat.

LILO AND STICH

Little Lilo praying on her bedside upon seeing, what she thought, a shooting star:

"It's me again. I need someone to be my friend, someone who won't runaway. Maybe send me an angel! The nicest angel you have."

*

Ehh.. nangis lah mak gini...

LILO AND STICH

"I like you better as a sister than a mom."

"Yeah."

"And you like me better as a sister than a rabbit, right?"

*

27 and this movie still touches your heart ever so deeply... huaaaa... nangis la camni

Abah #15 - KIDNEY

Abah was a strong man once. He used to lift up anything with only one hand. He used to drive non-stop from Italy to Austria.

And now,

now you have to be the one lifting his heavy bags up and down the stairs, drive him at night, climb up ladder to tukar lampu, do cars jump start.

Basically, you are his son.

.

"Abah strong boy. Abah makan ubat, do dialysis there, okay?"

"Okay, moi."

START

Teacher ni kan... memang mengesot jugak aku ke ofis isnin ni.

But hey, 6km wasn't that bad, tunggu ogos run pulak :)

miss those days of a basketball player... can i get that body back, please?

CANDICE

Candice Pool Neistat...

can't get enough of her.

WWK #47 - SAYANG

"Hallo, honey. How was your week?"

"Exhausted. But it was nice."

and then you heard Lev.

"Leeeeeevvv, Acik Huda loves you! Acik miss you, Lev. My God, you don't know Kristina how hard it is to have your favourite nephew half way across the globe."

"I can only imagine."

*

When Acik meet you, Lev, we gonna bake chocolate cookies together, not because Acik wants cookies, but because Acik wanna conteng-conteng your face with chocs buat muka panda rimau kat hang.

WWK #46 - BUTA

"Your parents are not here, why do you still wear your scarf?"

"That's the thing, I don't wear for them, I wear for God."

.

You don't orientate your life to what people favours you to do. People differs just like their definitions.

Tradisi ni macam hiasan, cantik, tapi tak applicable untuk semua tempat. Janggal kalau tak ikut konteks.

Agama, on the other hand, is a way of life, evergreen with wide room of interpretations according to context and surrounding. You call that 'rahmah'.

People got mix between those two. And follow blindly without any critical question. Kau kena faham apa yang kau percaya.

WWK #45 - MABUK

That night in BoKu after she finished her phD viva.

"You gonna drink the whole lot?" seeing her with a brand new wine bottle.

"I never get drunk and I don't understand those who got drunk by drinking. That's just plain excuse."

"Really? Even Vodka?"

"Even Vodka."

"Wow, russian are genetically strong, i guess."

.

Tuptap aku gak papah hang balik rumah malam tu. Wine ja pun, lol.

.

Thing is, you never know when your body would give up on you.

SAOIRSE

Saoirse Ronan ni ultimate girl crush la wei. Dia punya tahap bawak diri dia effortless, bhai.

AR #27 - TUTUP BUKU

Konklusinya, minggu ni minggu emo sedunia.

But hey, tomorrow is friday 😎

and hey, only 7 weeks more to endure :)

I call upon the energy of positivity to bestow upon my weekends and the week after.

AN #6 - PRAYER

You could actually go far. You have potentials. No joke. Potential kau bukan biasa-biasa.

But, you first need to learn how to respect other human beings, women especially. They ain't no toys. Unless hang rasa adik hang toys, then tak boleh nak komen banyak lah...

And you are 27 for goodness sake. A wise man don't comment on people's appearance, gemuk kurus, hodoh cantik. You never know what they had to go through with that kind of condition.

Design thinking hebat, ni common sense punya thinking pi mana?

Baru ingat nak suka kat hang. Tutup buku la gamak dia ni.

But I do pray you'll change someday and Allah give you strength for that.

Till then, adios.

AN #5 - ILUSI

So, today they did bahan one girl... All three lurking at their lubuk gosip teruna... seronoknya la kau gelakkan pompuan kan. Seronok rasa superior ilusi sendiri?

To which you realized something, you were wrong, Huda. You thought he was different. You thought he was a man, not an immatured boy.

Orang tak kacau sibuk gelakkan kelemahan kau, have you no respect towards another human being? I thought you were a man.

Agaknya hang message aku haritu tu, lagi dua dekat belakang hang standby gelak tunggu aku reply apa kat hang. Damn, I really thought you were different... wrong

Hangpa pandang perempuan as what actually? Simply as alat untuk ditebuk ke? I thought you have sisters and mothers? Do you looked at them like that too?

How sad....

AR #27 - EMO

Akak emo sampai hujung minggu depan boleh?

AR #26 - GIRLS

Rasa perempuan yang survive dalam Archi and Engineering ni deserve standing ovation dan full access to spa, massage and full body treatment. Coz God knows how we tahan all those guys belitteling us from every corner they could find in their manly working world.

We, women, tau ja bila kena bahan. We have this bahan-radar. But God bless us with acah-acah innocent, pandai buat muka bodoh dunggu acah-acah tak perasan orang kat belakang senyum-senyum gelakkan kita, act weird all smiley, nampak clueless. But damn do we feel diperbodohkan inside...

Nak survive nok...

(Babi betui la... 27 pun still nak survive-survive... bilanya nak perform dalam hidup ni... penat asyik jadi bodoh ja... )
.

"Takpa weih... kita sama-sama bodoh."
"Bodohla kau niiiiiii..."

AR #25 - ADIL ?

Nak mengamuk boleh tak?

Serius rasa macam babi kena kerah buat kerja. Ni brapa hari dah ni asyik balik kol 12. kau bayar RM350 sebulan which duit minyak tol pun tak lepas... but then workload dia ya robbi

alaa normal la tu, architecture...

Tak, tak normal. Kalau budak tu tak mampu financially, kau rasa normal projek kau berimbun tapi budak 350 kau kerah gitu. He/she could have used that so called OT time to do part time job to earn more money. Ada terpikir?

Ilmu, ilmu gak, bhai. But there are times you need to be realistic.

.

AA starting 2000, TA 1500... 400euro...

memang takda siapa nak highlight margin kos sara hidup malaysia ni pedih ke cemana?

Rant #18 - DARI DIJAH

Instead of being a shitty day, another DM slided in which made tears rolled down your eyes sambil buat dwg CAD:

"Hello there! Ich hoffe es geht dir gut. Just want to let you know, I think of you sometimes and go to visit your blog again and again.

I wish you well Kak Huda. I wish you enough because you have a good heart and a kind soul. You deserve the medal of Honor for picking up yourself again and again.

Insya Allah tiada perkara yang kekal dalam dunia ini. Baik mahupun buruk pasti akan berakhir kerna itulah sifat dunia, hanya sementara."

.

Danke, Dijah :) You have what not many people have: empathy. Your words warmed my heart and lifted up my spirit but hell menyusahkan aku buat CAD, mata berayaq hoi

.

May Deutschland has something great to offer you. It was never easy untuk hidup kat Jerman. You can do it. Moga Tuhan turunkan hamba-hamba dia untuk tolong kau permudahkan urusan kau di sana, dan kekuatan untuk kau tolong diri kau juga. God knows how hard we are with ourselves. Allah bersama kamu :)

AN #4 - REZKI

"Huda, esok kita OT lagi. Cik El nak layout lain untuk Melawati."

"Ha ok, malam ni aku settlekan kerja En Amri dulu."

And then from Manan (Nini's place) I walk passed your unattended desk. At a glimpse, I saw the sketches pasted on the desk.

Kau ni hebat sebenarnya. Aku doa Allah bagi kau peluang, rezki, duit untuk kau capai goal kau.

.

Many have hopes and passions. But few are blessed with opportunity.

AN #3 - OF MIGRAIN AND LUCK

"The Buddhists say if you meet somebody and your heart pounds, your hands shake, your knees go weak, that's not the one. When you meet your 'soul mate' you'll feel calm. No anxiety, no agitation."

(this should only be applicable to women kot)

*

Today was a cranky migrain takda mood day.

And exactly today, you slided in your whatsapp message. Supposedly it was a wrong timing, I could just campak buang my phone... serabut... BUT instead, it made me smile.

And as I walked towards your meja for medication, I felt the instant calmness, walaupun pecah pala tahan migrain.

So far tak pernah lagi aku migrain dan rasa calm dalam masa yang sama, lol.

So, how?

*

Hang jadi Mr. Wolfie aku boleh?

CRANKY

8 minggu lagi.

Macam 8 bulan hah.
Boleh tak tak nak datang kerja seminggu. Mogok sebab bayar ciput tapi kena stay sampai 12tgh malam.

Rant #17 - REALISTIK 5

Secara realistiknya, masjid Ainur kau tak start search lagi, space planning bank muamalat Cik El kat butterpaper lagi, drawing asnaf En Amri tak habis lagi, selasa nak bagi QS dah, tadika Amir.... tadika Amir ni kesian, gua mampu toilet ja wei aduh haha...

secara realistiknya, kau dapat rm350 ja kot hahaa...

secara realistiknya kalau tak basuh baju dengan aman malam ni, esok hang tak payah pi kerja la...

secara realistiknya,

eh babi lah realistik-realistik ni.

mampuih pi lah.

Rant #16 - REALISTIK 4

Ni dah alang-alang sembang realistik ni, ada siapa-siapa volunteer nak jadi Mr Wolfie tak?

*krik krik krik*

luls. sedihnya hidup. sambung sit up.

Rant #15 - REALISTIK 3

And you asked Amir wether or not you should, despite your age, ditch archi (after graduate), again take the risk and pursue with your 'passion'.

To which he asks, 'what's your passion actually?'

.

Masalah dia simple ja, Huda, hang ni spesis tak takut risk. Pakat lanyak pi semua benda sedangkan soalan fundamental pun tak settle lagi. Paihtu sibuk depress sorang-sorang. Payah la.

Kemon, girl. 27 dah ni, kita sort out satu-satu. Sabar, girl.

.

'Kau try dulu 2 tahun. Maximum. Then you know.'

Tu bila orang realistik bercakap.

Rant #14 - REALISTIK 2

And you tell Manan, you're not even sure what you are doing now. Wether this is what you want.

"Serious aku ada fikir tu gak, tapi kau tengoklah. Nanti bila kau ada commitment, kau akan terpaksa terima all these. Commitment makes all the difference."

dan kau tergamam. Betul gak tu... Commitment.

Maybe that's what 'realistic' is all about after all.

Rant #13 - REALISTIK 1

Masa sembang dengan Nini, Amir ada mention realistic. Cita-cita dia tinggi, but being realistic he has to work his ass off, kumpul duit dulu, settle hutang MARA, kahwin, etc.

En Irfan mention Jumaat lepas. "Always be realistic."

.

To which you ask yourself,

did the depression experienced was a result of you not being realistic?

sebab kau letak expectation melampau dekat diri sendiri? sebab kau takut dengan small steps?

Apa tu realistik?

RANT #12 - FIT BACK HOME

Ni dah over Depression and Quarter Life Crisis ni, boleh dah kot slow-slow dapatkan balik berat ideal sebelum ni.

Depression kills.

and give you 25kg extra. Gila.

Marilah kita kembalikan hidup kita.

27 dah wei, must feel febeles in and out :)

Tak.

Bukan nak febeles.

Nak muat baju uniqlo ja.

Tolong.

SIU LIM

Siu Lim is a one strong women.

Divorced and bloomed.

God bless her.

PASSION ?

Mat Luthfi dah makin kenchang dengan ML Studio dia.

Anwar Hadi dah start slow-slow masuk production house, bhai.

Kyo punya networking and source skill dah makin melebar.

Neollene dah makin jauh langkah dia travel.

WWK #44 - BANANA

One fine late evening, sambil lepak makan salad di atas beranda/semi rooftop dengan Kristina. Rutin harian setiap malam sebelum nightwalk kami. (Dulu nightwalk hang kuruih kot. Damn betoi la...) Angin dingin tak reti bahasa musim luruh meniup kenchang rambut kami. Best, duduk kat rooftop boleh free hair.

"What's your favourite fruit?"

"Banana."

"Do you drink the juice?"

"Ooooh yeah~~"

*

Sang bitches berpandangan sesama sendiri 10 saat, boom melodak gelak terbahak-bahak.

God I miss you, bitch...

WWK #43 - GIGIH

Hudochka sayang saya, Selamat Hari Lahir! Saya berharap anda semua yang terbaik! ‘Friends is a family which you choose for yourself’ this is true for me with you. You are my lovely little sister! I admire your ability to stand up again and again despite any attempts of life to put you down. You can be proud of yourself, I’m very proud of you. Sayang.

.

Lupa nak archive message russian badass ni gigih guna google translate :)

I love you too much, Kristinochka... way too much.

Dear Mr Wolfie who ever you are, rasa-rasa nak masuk minang, silalah pass interview dengan minah rusia ni.

Q #2 - ALTERNATIF

If a person was born deaf, then in what language did his/her thought roam around his mind?

In what language did he/she speaks to God?

.

When God offers alternative to the mainstreamed means of communication.

SYOUKR

"Someday you'll look at at all this and you'll realize that it wasn't a series of mistakes. One day you'll love yourself a little deeper, if for no other reason than the way your heart made it through."

(JmStorm)

*

Allah hears you :)

AR #24 - BREAK

last semester after the mid sem break, you got stuck real hard, that viennese depression came back, and you went missing from studio for a month...

Sebulan kot hang tinggai projek gu tu ja

*

"En Irfan, saya nak quit."

"Tukar kos?"

"Tak, nak quit study terus. Takda kena mengena dengan archi. It's been 7 years already. And it's killing me."

"How bad was it there?"

"Almost went to see pyschiatrist. Until I decided for Malaysia"

"Don't quit, Huda. Tahan setahun lagi."

*

Weeping kat office dia menggeletar macam penagih dadah tak dapat dose.

AR #23 - SURVIVED

"Well, you're a good student with a good heart, keep it up, always be realistic. Gather strength bit by bit along the way, make it long term, not short term

I'll pray the best for you. "

En Irfan wrote that that friday, and way you stormed into the office's washroom and cried quietly in there. You can't handle flashback.

Kluaq toilet muka cover baik punya.